Today I found a real live alcoholic.
Amanda and I were basking in the sun in the beautiful spring sunshine at Maywood pool this afternoon when three people (two girls and a guy) sauntered in. Right off the bat we noticed that the guy was absolutely obliterated. At first we thought he might be some poor pledge in some frat served with the task of consuming what he reported to be “a litre and a half of wine, some sorts of beer, and then swigs of warm vodka” that had been sitting in a car. Then we thought he might just be some guy getting an embarrassingly early start to Thirsty Thursday. However, as we continued to eaves drop we discovered that he was actually drowning his misery of a very recent breakup in an unconventional variety of alcoholic beverages. We also learned that the guy’s name was Steve and he spoke with a slight European accent (perhaps Danish). And boy was Steve on the rebound.
Through his beer goggles Steve was able to notice the rough outline of two figuresof Amanda and me laying by the pool nearby. He turns to his friends (the two girls, totally sober, trying to get their tan on while babysitting Steve) to confirm his recent discovery. The dialogue followed as such:
Steve: “I’m having some destruction of my recognition skills… are there girls over there? To my left?
Girl 1: “Yes.”
Steve: “Two of them?”
Girl 2: “Yes, Steve. Two girls.”
Steve: “Can I hook up with them?”
Girl 1: “Steve I don’t think you’re in any position to spit game right now.”
Amanda and I continued to mind our own business amidst Steve’s continuing efforts to get some and his two friends’ continuous apologies. The girls told him that in order to hook up with anybody, he must first be able to stand up. Aptly motivated, Steve struggled for a good solid minute to rise up off the lawn chair. Once standing (moreso waivering) he let out a triumphant “Yay!”. Now that he was up, he decided to go for a swim.
I forgot to mention that the pool we were laying out at has yet to actually open. In substitution for water, there is a sizeable dark green pool cover which radiates more heat than a sunburnt redhead. This proved to be no obstacle for Steve. The water and foliage accumulated on the top of the cover seemed to be as much of a pool as Steve needed. He rolled onto the cover and began to splash around while his friends tried desperately to get him off of it. Unphazed by the risk of breaking the cover or the scorching heat of the puddle he was lying in, Steve went swimming for about five minutes.
Unfortunately the time had come for Steve and his friends to pack up and head out and the girls finally convinced Steve to crawl back to shore. As he climbs out of the pool (off the cover) he manages to stand up for the second time. As he heads to the gate, he looked over to Amanda and me and for the first time since he got to the pool, we made direct eye contact. Our first and final conversation with Steve went a little something like this:
Steve: “(to his friends) See?! There are two girls over there! (to Amanda and me) Looking good over there! Wanna hook up???”
Girls: (whisper something to Steve)
Steve: “My friends said you’re not that cute.”
Girls: No no! We’re just trying to get him to leave!
Amanda and I: “We’re not cute. We’re really ugly actually, it’s just your beer goggles.”
Steve: “Can I at least get some numbers?”
Amanda and I: “You can get them when you come back.”
Steve: “I’ll be back in 20 to 30 minutes! I’ll see you then. Take your clothes off!”
And with that the girls managed to get Steve through the pool gate and into the parking lot heading towards the car. Although the car was parked to the left of the gate, gravity took Steve way far right. His friends dragged him back from across the parking lot and put him in the car. That was the last Amanda and I saw of Steve that day.
I have been slacking on my blogging lately, but I could not let Steve’s story go undocumented. In a way I am thankful to Steve, 1) for his unparalleled entertainment and 2) for showing me what alcoholism really is, it was truly a learning experience. I’ll be back soon with more updates from the rainy season. Until next time, thanks for stopping by.
PS. Amanda managed to snap a photo, so if you’d like a visual to go with the story. Here it is: